Quotes
New Stuff (at the bottom)
Additonal page: American Quotes
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pages is used in "fair use", for the purpose of study, review or
critical analysis only, and will be removed at the request of copyright
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Random Quotations that I hear/say almost daily:
Don't die
Exactly
Right on.
What are you talkin' about?
Kids these days!
Gaffaw!!
Ah! My leg!
Yar the punch!
It can land on one peg! (Everyone laughs at Brian)
Dodge!
Indeed.
AH! Giovanni! What do you eat! Jesus! Thats so bad! AAHHHHH etc...
Dark is a brown color. (Everyone laughs at Chris)
I can outrun it! (everyone laughs at Rob)
Monumentos (everyone laughs at Lou)
Button. (everyone laughs at Rob)
Rob dies.
Val dies.
I'm not calling. Giovanni, you call.
It doesn't matter!
It's not my fault!
Joe: I ain't got time to bleed. Lou: You got time to duck? Rob: Quack.
I'll use the monkey weilding ballista (Everyone laughs at Chris again)
Fifty credits?
Stop throwing Legos at me.
Hey its only 2 in the morning!, I'm going to go home and play Everquest.
Pizza or Chinese tonight? (30 minutes later)… Pizza.
Take off, eh!
I rolled a three.
So foolish.
Why can’t they make pizza with just cheese? I just want a bucket of cheese. No
sauce, no bread.
Rob, I wanna play Star Wars soooo bad.
Lou: I used to have 40 of these dice, but I can only find 36. I’m going to look
for the rest.
Worst pun ever.
I want to play a Noghri Jedi Knight. Please?
Debauchery (often used without knowledge of the meaning of the word)
Rock
Paper
Scissors
Stouch. (particularly Joe and Brian)
Erosion!
Curses!!!!!! <with a dual handed grasping at air, palm upward>
pfffffffff (thanks to Mark for this one)
Mind over Matter – if she don’t mind, he don’t matter (Thanks Joe)
Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest. - Mark Twain
There is no spoon - Neo, The Matrix
SPOOOOOOOOON! - The Tick, The Tick
Pirates get the gold, Gentlemen get the girl; Heroes get both.
Q: How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. That's a hardware problem.
Don't take life too seriously -- you'll never get out of it alive.
Who is the bigger fool? The fool or the fool who follows him? – Obi Wan Kenobi
There are three types of people in the world, those who can count and those who can't
His power lies apparently in his ability to choose incompetent enemies.
- Crow T. Robot, MST3K Prince of Space
Beta. Software undergoes beta testing shortly before it's released. Beta is Latin for still doesn't work.
A computer scientist is someone who, when told to Go to Hell, sees the goto, rather than the destination, as harmful
Most people would rather die than think; in fact, they do so. - Bertrand Russell
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away. -- Philip K. Dick
A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects. - Lazarus Long, Time Enough For Love (R.A. Heinlein)
Give a man a fish and he eats for a day. Teach a man to fish and he'll overfish, cause famine in the next three regions and pollute the atmosphere with his fish
If we knew what we were doing, it wouldn't be called research. - Einstein
One World, one Web, one Program - Microsoft promotional ad
Ein Volk, ein Reich, ein Fuhrer - Adolf Hitler
The question is not whether the glass is half full or half empty, but whether the glass is the right one, and if it contains the right liquid. - Corran Horn
If you think you know what the hell is going on you're probably full of shit. - Robert Anton Wilson
Hardware, n.: The parts of a computer system that can be kicked.
Loyalty is a gift to others, honor: a gift to oneself
The only limits are, as always, those of vision. - James Broughton
The bravest are surely those who have the clearest vision of what is before them, glory and danger alike, and yet notwithstanding, go out to meet it. - Thucydides
Many of us spend half our time wishing for things we could have if we didn't spend half our time wishing - Alexander Woollcott
Happiness makes up in height for what it lacks in length - Robert Frost
In simplest terms, a leader is one who knows where he wants to go, and gets up, and goes - John Erksine
Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm - Winston Churchill
The mind is its own place, and in itself / Can make a heaven of hell, a hell of heaven - John Milton’s Paradise Lost
It is better to light a flame thrower than curse the darkness. -Terry Prachett’s Men at Arms
Every mighty oak was once just a nut who stood his ground
Watch your step to hell, its a long fall – Insane Clown Posse
The art of war is simple enough. Find out where your enemy is. Get at him as soon as you can. Strike him as hard as you can, and keep moving on. - Ulysses S. Grant
Give a man fire, he'll be warm for a few hours. Set a man on fire, he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
The brain is a wonderful organ. It starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office. - Robert Frost
Programming Department: Mistakes made while you wait.
Princess Leia's Rebel forces will not do anything in order to win. They will not sacrifice lives. They do not descend to the level of the enemy. That's the difference between the Rebels and the Empire. It's possible to fight because you love, not just because you hate.
I attribute my success to intelligence, guts, determination, honesty, ambition, and having enough money to buy people with those qualities.
There really is nothing quite like total ignorance, is there? - marquis de Carabas, to Richard
Nobody expects the Spanish Inquistion! - from Monty Python
To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentations of their women - Conan the Barbarian, on what is best in life
'Uh, excuse me, can we have your liver?' - Mark's incessant comp unit startup sound from Monty Python's Meaning of Life.
You Americans are all the same, you talk and you talk. You're always saying 'i just wanna tell ya' and 'let me tell ya something', ..well you're dead now, so shut up. – Death
Englishman. I know your type Englishman. You’re all so f*cking pompous, but none of you have got any balls. - Death
'Well we can only hope that we find their son... uh, Duke,.. and make sure
he's ok.' - Stormtrooper captain, Troops
Do good, reap good; do evil, reap evil.
- Chinese proverb
Computer Science: solving today's problems tomorrow.
Calculating in binary code is as easy as 01,10,11.
Some fight it, but sooner or later, every mage takes magic missile.
-Tome and Blood, a Guide to Wizards and Sorcerers
If its not the rich guys taking the hot girls, it’s the lesbians. – Val
Whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process he does not
become a monster.
And when you look into an abyss, the abyss also looks into you. - Friedrich
Willhelm Nietzsche
The
only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
-Edmund Burke
What is this a gift box? Oh f*ck.
Its dynamite – Me, while playing Fighting Force with Gio
Why insult a door's purpose by
locking it? - Kender saying
Yeah, I spent all day looking at
your site. - Lou, on Rob's Home Page on 1-11-2002
Men never do evil so completely
and cheerfully as when they do it under the guise of doing good. - Vinas
Solamnus
Lord of the Rings is a story of
good vs. evil, with evil being all-powerful and good being generally 3 feet
tall with hairy feet.
War doesn't prove who's right, just who's left.
A good sailor was never trained by a calm sea
Mark: am i at all mentioned on
your website, besides the Monty Python quote from my comp unit?
Rob: no
Mark: f*ck you
Mark: Rob McDermott
Rob: No, don't rob McDermott, he doesn't have alot of
money.
Mark: Yes, he doesn't make much sense.
When you were born, you were crying and
everyone around you was laughing. Live your life so that when you die, everyone
around you is crying and you're laughing your ass off.
It takes true villains to make true heroes.
Mark:Would you have sex with a penguin for
medical research if I gave you $10,000?
Val: No, I’d do it for free.
I fear that I shall journey alone, that the
way will be dark;
I fear the unknown land, the
presence of my King, and the sentence of my judge.
-The dying words of Saint Brendan the Navigator
A narrow neck keeps the bottle from being
emptied in one swig - Irish Proverb
Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Study hard. Be evil.
Heralds don't pun.. they cant
That which does not kill us powers up our
weapons
Light Side, Dark Side--I'm the one with the
blaster
Carpe DM: Seize the dungeon master
Chaotic Evil means never having to say you're
sorry
First rule of GMing: If they split up, giggle
insanely
Never trust a smiling Game Master
Paladins were born to raze Hell
Do not meddle in the affairs of wizards, for
they are subtle and quick to anger
Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for
you are crunchy and good with ketchup
Fantasy isn't our crutch--it's arcane
Faster, Better, Cheaper? Pick two. -
Anonymous NASA Engineer
Never piss off a jawa.
Don’t dream it, be it. – from passwords by
jesus
I should have put you down myself,
personally.- Judge Dredd
On AIM:
Brian: Quoting Dargo: I like to shoot things
Rob: who is dargo?
Rob: not some frickin' farscape guy, i hope
Brian: no, he's a Frelling Farscape Guy
Rob: worst joke ever
Mark: Rob, you crazy sob, what’s up?
Rob: i may
cry alot, but i never sob
Mark:
i suppose when i engage in internet correspondence with you, i really better be
laughing when i say lol, 'cuz sometimes i lie and say it to make people feel
better
Rob: its the thought that counts. except in math
Mark: yes, that's very true
Rob: indeed
Mark: speaking of math, you helped Greggg last night, is he really as retarded
as i think he is?
Rob: I suppose it would depend on your personal definition. He's certainly no
einstein, but he has better math skills than say, a table lamp
Mark:
are you quite sure, 'cuz my table lamp knows pre-calculus
Rob: whoa
The
best AIM ever was when Mark and I started a conversation from the end, and
ended at the beginning.
Here are the results: Backwards Conversation
I don’t need any guns. – Brian’s Star Wars character, July 26, 2002.
Scatter the light to brighten a room, focus it to kill something
Let
your plans be dark and impenetrable as night, and when you move, fall like a thunderbolt
– Sun Tzu, The Art of War
The skillful employer of men will employ the wise man, the brave man, the covetous man,
and the stupid man. For the wise man delights in establishing his merit, the brave man likes to show his courage in action, the covetous man is quick at seizing advantages, and the stupid man has no fear of death. – Sun Tzu
The rules of strategy are few and
simple. They may be learned in a
week. They may be taught by
familiar illustrations or a dozen diagrams. But such knowledge will no more teach a man to lead an army
like Napoleon than a knowledge of grammar will teach him to write like Gibbon.
– Col. Henderson
Draw steel boys! – Danath, Warcraft 2
There are two ways of spreading light.. to be
the candle, or the mirror that reflects it
Everyone dies. It's the final and only
lasting Justice. Evil exists; it is intelligence in the service of entropy.
When the side of a mountain slides down to kill a village, this is not evil,
for evil requires intent. Should a sentient being cause that landslide, there
is evil; and requires Justice as a consequence, so that civilization can exist.
There is no greater good than Justice; and only if law serves Justice is it
good law. It is said correctly that law exists not for the Just but for the
unjust, for the Just carry the law in their hearts, and do not need to call it
from afar. -The Last One Standing: The Tale of Boba Fett
They say nice guys finish last, but sometimes its nice just to finish -
Colin Mockerie
He’s too rich for his pants – Lou
Lou: Its about 11 o’clock in the afternoon.
All: <extensive laughter>
Brian: You know that’s going on the site,
right?
Lou <putting hands on head>: Oh,
dammit!
My bologna has a first name its F – H – A –
R- uh L- A - G- um H – R – something something.
My bologna has a second name its F – H – A - R – L – S? - no H – D – H – U, err
something.
– Rob, after receiving and eating divine bologna from his deity Fharlanghn
I wished I started walking before I ran -
Ozzy
If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving
is not for you.
Save trees. Eat a beaver.
Do not provoke me to violence.
You could no more evade my wrath
than you could your own shadow - Dark Templar
All too easy - Darth Vader
As heard at the 8-30-02 Star Wars Session:
/***/
That's right: I called you decaffeinated
drinking bitches pansies. – Gio, pregame.
Lou: Chris, if anyone is going to die tonight
it’s you. What’s everyone’s strength? Mine’s 5D.
Brian: 5D
Gio: 4D
Chris: ..uh 3D.
Lou: Exactly.
So I have 12 thermals and 18 grenades? What? –
Chris’s character Mimic aka TNT
Brian :Ok, its Black Hawk Down.
Gio : Not yet.
Brian :When does this mission become Black
Hawk Down?
Gio :Not until we go inside.
Brian :Ah.
Rob (GM): Ok, what are you guys doing?
Lou :We’re going in.
Gio :Ok, now it’s Black Hawk Down.
This was the dumbest trap ever. Only complete
idiots would have fallen for it. – Gio, after Lou’s and Brian’s characters
could not avoid a trap.
I run up to Vader and tear his head off –
Lou’s Trandoshan Braktec
I wanna live! – Phrase drawn in text bubble
over Chris’s miniature by GM Rob, as Mimic dives for cover amidst massive
explosions.
Chris: After that, there’s no way Braktec
will have hands left.
Lou, you are such a glory hog. You killed
Vader and the Emperor... All I killed were a couple of royal guards. Woohoo! –
Brian, a little jealous.
/***/
"It's all fun and games until someone
loses an eye."
-Vecna
D+D Jokes, as seen on EnWorld.org forums:
A Dwarf and an Elf step into a restaraunt and
sit at the table. The waitress asks if she could take their order.
The Dwarf says. "I'll take a 24oz steak.
Rare. With a bottle of Dragonfire."
The Waitress responds, "And what about
the vegetable?"
The Dwarf looks at the Elf and growls,
"He'll take the steak too, and HE'LL LIKE IT!"
A Human, a Dwarf, an Orc and an Elf each
reached the mouth to the cave of an ancient red dragon. This dragon had been
ravaging the country-side of each race's kingdom and they were each sent to
slay it.
The Human drew his sword and charged headlong
in screaming, "I do this for my kingdom!" where he's swiftly
swallowed whole.
The Orc brandished his axe and charged
headlong in yelling, "For my bretheren!" where he's swiftly swallowed
whole.
The Dwarf then pulls a jar full of Black
Lotus extract from his backpack, jams it in the elf's belt and pushes him into
the cave screaming, "I do this for my kingdom!!!"
A guy walks into a bar, sits down next to
this beautiful amazon warrior, and tells her "I bet you 5gp I can touch
your breast without touching your Chainmail Bikini." Intrigued, she
accepts. He grabs her breast, says "I lose" and gives her 5gp.
Quotes from my friend Chatterpaul:
On AIM [unedited]: so if your screw and use wrong formula you won't know if hes
has that choice
There are seven sins in the world: Wealth
without work, Pleasure without conscience, Knowledge without character,
Commerce without morality, Science without humanity, Worship without sacrifice,
and politics without principle.
- Mahatma Gandhi
I have learned that the ambition of those who
follow selfish precepts is no more than a chaotic waste, a finite gain that
must be followed by infinite loss. For there is indeed a harmony in the
universe, a concordant singing of common weal. To join that song, one must find
inner harmony, must find the notes that ring true.
There is one other point to me made about that truth: Evil creatures cannot
sing.
- Drizzt Do'Urden, Sojourn
The renaissance punishment for treason was
carried out in full view of the public. I’m sure you’ve heard of being hung,
draw, and quartered, but it was a gruesome sight. First, the subject was placed
in a noose. Unlike later hangings, there was no trapdoor; the subject choked
and it was a slow painful death. However, the subject was only hung until near
death: he was then cut down and placed on a table. His cock and balls were cut
off and placed in his mouth. Then, a large knife was used to cut out the
subject’s intestines: they were then pulled out and shown to the subject. Then,
the subject’s heart was cut out and placed in a pot of boiling water. After
that, they beheaded him.
- Professor Mensel, first day of class.
I’m sure you’ve all met a person you thought
was beautiful. But when you got to know them, they turned out to be a real
shit: an asshole of the first order.
- Professor Mensel, in a discussion of renaissance love.
/*****
Rob: life is becoming more and more like Starcraft everyday
Giovanni: when will the goliaths be walking down the
streets?
Rob: 2044
Giovanni: ah and the seige tanks? I really want one
of those
Rob: ok you got it
Rob:
Rob: there you go
Giovanni: thanks
Rob: no, tank you
Rob: ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhahahahaha
Rob: hahahaaahahahahahahaahhaha
Rob: come on, its hilarious.
Giovanni: the one thing that you need to leave behind
at school is your humor
*****/
Val, you are like a GOTO statement: outdated
and useless.
When I was a kid I used to pray every night
for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I
stole one and asked Him to forgive me. - Emo Philips.
640k ought to be enough RAM for anybody -Bill Gates
"Don't let it end like this. Tell them I
said something." - last words of Pancho Villa
You live and learn. Or you don't live long.
It takes true villains to make true
heroes.
If at first you don't succeed, try, try, and
try again.
Then give up.
There's no use being a damned fool about it. -WC Fields
Scholars write history in books; Warriors write history in blood.
An army of sheep led by a lion would defeat
an army of lions led by a sheep. -Arab Proverb
The anvil fears no blows. - Romanian Proverb
The best armor is to keep out of range. -
Italian Proverb
Every road has two directions.- Russian
Proverb
The hammer shatters glass but forges steel.
- Russian Proverb
Life is not separate from death. It only
looks that way. - Native American Proverb
Never advise anyone to go to war or to marry.
- Spanish Proverb
Tell me who's your friend and I'll tell you
who you are. - Russian proverb
"If you think education is expensive,
try ignorance." - Derek Bok
The star that burns twice as bright lasts
half as long.
It was an ‘Oh shit’ kinda day. – Professor
Bill, in a discussion in Geography
101
A nun with an Uzi popped up on the parapet on
Notre Dame like a ninja penguin. – Coyote Blue
Who needs skill when you can have luck? – Coyote
Blue
Rob: Do any work sunday?
Val: Well, no. I started off playing Chaos Overlords.
Rob: Ha, you played what, five hours?
Val: No. I had a [music] cd that was three hours long to listen to.
Rob: Ah, ok. Well that’s not so bad I guess.
Val: Yeah, I played the cd all the way through… twice.
“I don’t mind bisexual and gay people, I just
don’t want to date one. I couldn’t kiss him because you know he’s had a dick in
his mouth” – D’Anne
“Maybe you should have erased the damn
elephant first.” – Heard in computer science class by a random student, when
the professor cursed himself for erasing a valuable part of the lesson in leiu
of his picture of Babar (the cartoon elephant).
/* ***** With friends like these…. ******/
Gio: I like your quote page
Rob: Thanks, I do my best
Rob: Anything you like in particular?
Gio: our conversation
Rob: we have some good times, you and I
Gio: oh yeah. I get to listen to your brand of what
you call "humor"
Rob: yeah yeah
Rob: "bite me"
Gio: ha
Gio: very funny Rob
Brian: Val, you are like a GOTO statement:
outdated and useless.
Brian: WTF?
Rob: It was wicked funny at the time. It’s a programming joke
Brian: programmers. go figure
Rob: mathematicans. go figure
Brian: geeks. go figure
Rob: professional russian skaters: go figure
Brian: HLA. go figure
Rob: hla?
Brian: hot lesbian action. from Raw
Rob: huh
Brian: it's good stuff
Rob: on tv, or in the video game?
Brian: TV
Rob: darn
Lou: You have missed some really f*cked up
conversations lately at the game table
Rob: Is that so?
Lou: We were going to get Chris to make some pot brownies until we looked at
Sean who by the look on his face was completey horrified that we were gonna
bring pot brownies to his house. I didn't realize this until I was in the
middle of handing Chris a $50 when I looked at Sean. Its really funny to think
about but I might have upset him, oh well
Rob: ha
Lou: ya drugs are bad but brownies are good :-)
********************/
Do
not follow this link. Unless you like Sean
Connery!!!
Doubt isn't the opposite of faith; it is an
element of faith. - Paul Tillich, German theologian and historian
"I have come to the frightening
conclusion that I am the decisive element. It is my personal approach that
creates the climate. It is my daily mood that makes the weather. I possess
tremendous power to make life miserable or joyous. I can be a tool of torture
or an instrument of inspiration, I can humiliate or humor, hurt or heal. In all
situations, it is my response that decides whether a crisis is escalated or
de-escalated, and a person is humanized or de-humanized. If we treat people as
they are, we make them worse. If we treat people as they ought to be, we help
them become what they are capable of becoming."
- Goethe
I feel like a mortal honored unduly by the
presence of a goddess. – Joe’s profile info
Believing in superstition is bad luck.
~Life isn't about the breaths we take,but the
moments that take our breath away.~ (from my sister’s aol profile)
There is a percentage.
/************
Rob: I have a geography test. I suck at
geography. I really do
Brian: me too
Brian: hey, we can suck together
Brian: put THAT on your website! bitch!
Rob: No. My site is clean, f*cko
Brian: lol if you say so
Brian: but that was hilarious
Rob: glad you can make yourself laugh
Brian: of course I can
Rob: besides tickling yourself
Brian: I tickle myself all the time
Brian: how about that one!?
Rob: how about that one what?
Brian: that quote
Rob: stop being a quote whore
***********/
What hath man sought and found, / But his
dear God?…
Poor man, thou searchest round / To find out death, but misseth life at hand.
– George Herbert, excerpt from “Vanity”
You should never use a paintball gun to shoot
anyone not playing in a paintball game. That's what real guns are for. – Seen
on Slashdot.org forums
/---------
D+D haikus:
I shall smite my foes.
Arcane flames dance at my call!
Damn, he made his save.
Unconscious player!
Don't tell your friends what to do --
Your voice has been stilled.
DM haiku:
The lever is large
only a fool would pull it.
They fight for the job.
----------/
Nor would I ask of any fellow American in defense of his freedom that which I would not gladly give myself -- my life before my liberty. – Presidental Nominee, Manchurian Candidate
This movie is like playing Doom without any
monsters or opponents – Mike, MST3K DeathStalker and the Knights of
Hell
That’ll be the day. – John Wayne, The
Searchers
Joker: Is that you, John Wayne? Is this me?
Sgt. Hartman: Who said that? Who the f*ck said that? Who's the slimy little
communist shit twinkle-toed
cocksucker down here, who just signed his own death warrant? Nobody,
huh?! The fairy f*cking godmother said it! Out-f*cking-standing! I will P.T.
you all until you f*cking die! I'll P.T. you until your assholes are sucking
buttermilk!
- Full Metal Jacket
Do I laugh now, or
wait 'til it gets funny? – Walter Neff, Double Idemnity
Don't fight a battle if you don't gain anything by winning. - Erwin Rommel,
legendary German WWII General
When British fighter-bombers had shot up German tanks with [American made] 40mm shells, a German officier said, "That's completely impossible. The Americans only know how to make razor blades." Rommel replied, "We could do with some of those razor blades"
"I reckon the
British were the best soldiers, then the Soviets, but the Americans came
last"
- SS-Unterscharführer Werner Buse
(Frundsberg division) on the Allies
Quality is never an accident; it is always the result of high intention, sincere effort, intelligent direction and skillful execution; it represents the wise choice of many alternatives, the cumulative experience of many masters of craftsmanship. Quality also marks the search for an ideal after necessity has been satisfied and mere usefulness achieved. - Willa A. Foster
Dying's easy. There ain't nothing heroic about dying. But if you can take a stand for something you'd kill for, thats's something. That's something special.
Baffin Island. That’s the place to visit if you want to go nowhere and see nothing – Geography Professor
Some random links:
US Army soldier humor
Making fun of children!
This is the reason
why I hate white people: Country music. – Val, while watching VH1
F*ck Chechnya!!!!
Military experts say with the shift from trench warfare, the aversion of military losses, and the rise of long-distance high-tech weapons, the proportion of civilian casualties to military in war has grown from 10 percent a century ago, to about 90 percent on modern battlefields. – News Article, 10-23-2002
"I was sure
there was no pornography on my PC, but I was surprized by what I found -
Father, Ireland"
– Found on ContentWatch.com, a
site dedicated to removing hidden porn. Get your free audit now!!!!!
/**** you had to be there….. 10-25-02 *****
Do you like it hard or soft? I gotta ask… ‘cause I like dick – Lou
I want to feel your hot breath across my cheek – Gio
I’m stronger than my rhinoceros – Lou
Geez, what a pussy. – Brian, towards Sean’s catperson character
One more person makes
fun of me and they’re dead – Sean, in response
**********/
Gotta love those
goddamned russkies. Most passive, depressive, useless for initiative people on
the face of the earth, under everyday circumstances...But when the shit hits
the fan, as a people, they're the toughest motherfuckers alive. They hope for
the best, but always expect the worst. They've always realized that in extreme
situations, sometimes scorched earth is the only workable scenario. Thanks, Mr.
Putin, America could take a lesson from you folks when it comes to dealing with
these deluded extremist fucks.
– As seen on Ogrish.com
It’s like being on drugs without being on drugs – Professor Somers, on Six Flags’s Houdini ride
More Links:
Impress your friends with a spiffy D+D
character sheet
Old school D+D player’s
website. Check out the game room.
Knight’s of the Dinner Table weekly
comic
A URI campus news
article, written by Mark, and including quotes from Val and I.
“I would
suggest a layout that is better for people who don’t know what they’re doing –
like myself.”
Gio’s character: I
continue to smell.
Everyone: <laughter> Yes, you do.
Lou: (outbursting with an excerpt from “One”) Darkness.. imprisoning me… All
that I see…
Brian the DM: …You’re losing exp.
Original message I
received after Brian emailed Bibleman pretending to be me.
At least when I go to hell, I’ll still be able to
hang out with all my friends.
Geography Professor: So, what is located in abundance in Northern
Mexico?
Val, to Rob: Mexicans?
[actual answer: Deserts]
Geography Professor:
You can learn a lot from people from other countries. Sometimes, its good to
have friends from other parts of the world.
Rob, to Val: Sometimes.
Pun of the Day. Best site ever? No, second best.
/******** Fun on AOL, or, Making Fun of Giovanni *********
Brian: Anything new
on the old website?
Rob: Go to it
Brian: I forgot all about that Bibleman shit! that's good stuff
Rob: Evil Bastard
Brian: Evil Bastard is fitting
Rob: the 7 year old thing though.. come on
Rob: though I suppose being 20 and buying Bibleman videos is worse
Brian: lol, like they would have believed a 20 year old wanted more info
Brian: I'm sad I
didn't see a quote about those damn Soviet Canadiens. I'm ashamed
Brian: *sniffle* I love you man
Rob: pfffffff
Rob: Keep it together man
Brian: I'm sorry
Brian: will that go on the site?
Rob: save the mushy stuff for chicks and giovanni
Brian: LOL
Brian: that's gotta go up Rob. You know how G will react:
Brian: What the Fuck! What do you two talk about!?
Rob: he is so crazy
Brian: he's goin fuckin ape shit over Nailgun Massacre! [best movie
ever]
Brian: he's threatening me
Rob: ha, he loves that movie
Brian: it's frightening. I mean, if it got broke, he'd friggin dye!
Brian: errr die
Rob: Do or Die? [worst movie ever]
Brian: LOL
Brian: PORN!!!
Brian: you know I love it
Rob: take the label off Nailgun Massacre, and we will put it on Do or
Die and give it to Gio
Brian: LOL!
Rob: he'd love it
Brian: I must refer to the dying part again
Rob: I'll be careful
then.
Brian: You'll be dead! [well known Star Wars quote]
Rob: ha nice
Brian: yup
Rob: I thought you were going to Giovanni it
Brian: lol I like that: Giovanni it
Brian: is that like botching it? or missing it completely?
Rob: both. Being a dumbass when a movie quote is up in the air
Brian: Giovanni it: (v) to botch, totally miss and/or the act of being a
dumbass while a movie quote is up in the air
Rob: ha yes
Brian: you know where that has to go right?
Rob: on the side of a city bus?
Brian: lol
Brian: yeah and on your site
Melanie: so I was
just checkin out your favorite songs...
Melanie: you're such a girls guy!!!
Rob: ha
Rob: yeah, it has a few that my friends will make fun of me for
**************/
Check out my favorite music
A cow is not the same as a moose. It just goes moo.. se?
Thanks to my friend… Caffeine – As seen on the end credits of a strange Flash video
Dude, Butterbean is kicking your ass. – Rob to Val, during a multiplayer game of Unreal Tournament 2003
There are two things
to do with a control freak gamer.. kick him out or make him the DM.
– As seen on Enworld.org
Sean: My name tag
doesn’t say ‘relief cook,’ its mispelled ‘relief cock’
Chris: Ha, They added an ‘a’!
<puzzled silence>
… then everyone laughs at Chris
Wine is very good for cholesterol. In France, we do not have cholesterol problems. We do have a lot of liver problems, though. – Professor Baudet
"Be safe, use
smoke detectors...be even safer, sleep with a firefighter.." (from Joe)
Geography Professor: Where are the major cities in Canada? In the south,
because its warmer. That's not to say that living in Northern Canada wouldn't
be nice, but.. it wouldn't.
I resent the fact
that just because I work in IT people assume I have poor hygiene, no social
skills, and am only fond of swilling soda and beer in front of a 19"
monitor…
No self-respecting geek has less than 21" of screen real estate, or at the
very least 2 17" monitors dually style.
- as seen on Slashdot.org
Professor Baudet: How
many bits in one Gigabyte?
Student 1: A million.
Baudet: I'm sorry, I didn't hear
you.
Student 1: <louder> A million.
Baudet: Sorry, The heater is too loud, I still can't hear you.
Student 2: < to Student 1> It's a billion.
Baudet: I'm still not hearing you, what did you say?
Student 1: Well, I said a million...
Baudet: What was that?
Student 1: I said a million, but its actually a billion.
Baudet: What...?
Student 1: A billion!
Baudet: Yes, correct.
Fistfight, an excellent student made movie.
Perhaps you have been
replaced by a small child and I am only seeing the illusion of a man standing
before me!
Lou: UTINNI
Sean: No, what does it mean though??????????
Lou: Actually it can be both used to call attention, and running in fear, also
as a battle cry or even casual conversation used in place of yes
Lou: It’s a jawa’s motto and words to live by
Sean: A universal conversation piece; nice
I don’t mean to
bother or impose… but can I have a pair of pants? – Sean’s clothing deprived
character
Rob to Mark, on Val’s dreams of foreign ladies during his future Greece
trip: Drive to canada and get a
hooker if you want some foreign sex, I say
/** more fun in
CSC411…
Professor Baudet: How many bits will we need for the input? [Correct answer:
20]
Student: 21?
Baudet: No. I'll give you another guess.
Student: 21?
Baudet: ...Now, if it was wrong the first time, it is probably still wrong.
Perhaps it would be better to try a different number.
**
Learning the facts of
life at Hope Dining Hall:
Student 1: (younger by several years) …So she hasn’t called me.
Student 2: Maybe she has a boyfriend.
Student 1: ha! It didn’t seem like it when we were making out all night.
Student 2: Women are impossible to figure out.
Student 1: Well she seemed really into it.
Student 2: Maybe she was just horny.
Student 1: …huh
History is something that never happened told by someone who wasn't there - Ramon Gomez de la Serna
Why be productive
when you can be happy? – Rob
That's beautiful. – Val
The battle, sir, is
not to the strong alone; it is to the vigilant, the active, the brave.
- Patrick Henry, “Give
Me Liberty or Give Me Death”
Maslow's Maxim: If the only tool you have is a hammer, you treat everything like a nail.
You can't lower heaven so you gotta raise hell – Nicole
Happiness isnt getting what you want, its wanting what you have. – Cortney
Live your own life, for you will die your own death. - Latin Proverb
A true friend, is one that will take a bullet for you in the war. - Italian Proverb
After the game, the king and the pawn go into the same box. - Italian Proverb
[Last day of
Geography class]
Val: This is a sad day in the history of McDermott and Dobrushkin.
Rob: Don't worry; there’ll be more.
Prof. Somers: How did
your [final] paper turn out?
Rob: I like it. I don’t know if you will though.
Prof. Somers: I doubt I will.
Rob: ha, thanks.
A man is not dead until he is forgotten. – Vietnam Memorial
Rob: so speaking of
internships, find one?
Mark: I should be hearing from ABC next week... my teacher said "don't
worry about it"
Rob: You are the right man for the job
Rob: Unless, they find a hot chick from sweden. News viewers love people from
sweden.
Mark: I'll kill her, and then I'll get the job
Rob: put that on your resume: "I will kill all competitors"
Mark: haha, will do
Rob: it may turn off a few squemish employeers, but it shows that you are
ambitious
College.. does it get any better?
The young man knows the rules, but the old man knows the exceptions - Oliver Wendell Holmes
[while playing pool]
Paul, to Rob: You’re not Irish are you? You have the luck of one.
[a few minutes later, after the game stops going in my favor]
…dumb luck anyways.
/* some movie quotes
**
Outlaw Josie Wales:
Its always like that.When I get to liking someone, they aren't around for long.
- Josie Wales
I noticed that when you get to disliking someone, they aren't around for long
neither. – Chief
Chasing Amy:
Bankie: I'm having girl troubles.
Jay: Bitch pressin’ charges?
Do the Right
Thing:
Buggin Out: Yo, I'm organizing a boycott of Sal's famous! Will you join me?
Sweet Dick Willie: Sal hasn’t done anything against us. What you should do… is
boycott the barber that fucked up your hair!
** */
while playing a version of pictionary:
Rob: ok, you have five guesses. It’s a monument.
Carrie: Is it a bear?
Rob: No.
Carrie: It is in the US?
Rob: No.
Carrie: Are you sure it’s not in the US?
Rob: Yes, I’m still sure.
Carrie: Is it in Italy?
Rob: No.
Carrie: Is it the Sphinx?
Rob: Yes. I will never know how you got that.
Check this craziness
out. Scary.
There are 10 types of people in the world:
those who understand binary, and those who don’t
This is the first game to really exploit the
power of LANs and modems to their full potential. In 1993, we fully expect to be the number one cause of
decreased productivity in businesses around the world.
- ID Software, Doom Press Release
How, in such fine weather, could a man be
anything but in humor? True, there was no tavern around the corner to which I
might repair for a bit of dram, or a cold bottle and a bird, if the thought
came. There were savages about who might take my life - but take it they must
for I would not offer it freely. How could I feel the less because of this? I
had strength and a sword, and a man has been know to conquer a world with no
more.
- Tatton Chantry, Fair Blows the
Wind
It is designed to break your heart. The game
begins in the spring, when everything else begins again, and it blossoms in the
summer, filling the afternoons and evenings, and leaves you to face the fall
alone. You count on it, rely on it to buffer the passage of time, to keep the
memory of sunshine and high skies alive, and then just when the days are all
twilight, when you need it most, it goes...And summer [is] gone.
- A. Bartlett Giamatti, The Green
Fields of the Mind, on baseball
Have you ever got everything you ever
wanted? And then realized it wasn’t what you wanted it all?… I thought I wanted
this.. I thought I wanted a nice, normal life. I mean, maybe I am crazy. I
mean, maybe. But if this is all there is, then I don’t want to be sane.
- Richard, Neverwhere
Here is the one and only 3-way
Rock-Paper-Scissor Tournament, hosted in summer of 2002. The rules were simple:
win 4 matches and you win the Crown as Ultimate Champion of RPS. The
partcipants were Val, Mark, and myself. The AIM names have been changed to
protect the innocent. The constant references to “Proops” refers to Gregg
Proops, host of Rendez-View. Enjoy.
Val: come on
rob, i'll take you to greece next time, so you can improve the art of drinking
Mark: a drunk McDermott would be the funniest thing in the history of the
universe
…Rob: a sober Goodman would be the funniest thing in the history of the
universe
Within the computer science community it is a common practice to
"Crack" or attempt to break the protection of a piece of software.
Why? Well, just like crashing cars results in stronger, safer vehicles,
cracking software results in stronger, safer software. – PGP encryption
website, one of the strongest encryption algorithms invented
Patience My Ass - I’m Going To Kill Something – AC-130 Spectre Gunship crew decal
Excuses are like assholes… everybody got
one. – Red, Platoon
Honor has not to be won; it must only not be
lost. - Arthur Schopenhauer
Loyalty to petrified opinions never yet
broke a chain or freed a human soul in this world--and never will.
- Mark Twain
The past is our definition. We may strive,
with good reason, to escape it, or to escape what is bad in it, but we will
escape it only by adding something better to it. - Wendell Berry
It's hard enough to write a good drama, it's
much harder to write a good comedy, and it's hardest of all to write a drama
with comedy. Which is what life is. - Jack Lemmon
Baseball, it is said, is only a game. True.
And the Grand Canyon is only a hole in Arizona. Not all holes, or games, are
created equal. - George F. Will
Pro Football is like nuclear warfare. There
are no winners, only survivors. - Frank Gifford
One can know a man from his laugh, and if
you like a man's laugh before you know anything of him, you may confidently say
that he is a good man - Fyodor Mikhailovich Dostoyevsky
"But if you know about God, why don't
you tell them?" asked the Savage indignantly. "why don't you give
them these books about god?"
[Mustapha:] "For the same reason as we don't give them Othello: they're old; they're about Gods hundreds of years ago. Not about God
now."
[John the Savage:] "But God doesn't change."
[Mustapha:] "Men do, though."
- Aldous Huxley’s Brave New World
An author ought to write for the youth of
his own generation, the critics of the next, and the school-masters of ever
afterward. - F. Scott Fitzgerald
A see-saw that doesn’t work isn’t a see-saw.
It’s just two jerks sitting on a board. – Giovanni
If the gods listened to the prayers of men,
all humankind would quickly perish since they constantly pray for many evils to
befall one another. – Epicurus By the way, Epicurus
was a Greek philosopher that believed happiness was the meaning of life. He
spent his time writing and having orgies. So there you go.
Satan is an endlessly intriguing character. You will not be able to make up your mind about him even
after you've read the poem and written essays on him. You will find yourself using him to characterize people you
know about: "He's a bit like
Satan in Paradise Lost--unbelievably talented but throwing it all
away because he won't accept authority." Such people are fascinating and
attractive, but they're infuriating when they waste it all for what they think
is freedom. – Cliff Notes for John
Milton’s Paradise Lost
Val: I went to the
doctor to get a physical because I dont think I had one in like 4 years
Rob: yep
Val: I made an appointment at 4:30 and I waited in the office until 5:30
Val: and then I got up walked to the receptionist desk and said fuck you and
left
Rob: lol
Val: yeah
Val: I was impressed with myself
Rob: thats the best story I've heard today
*******
I wouldn't like to have the FBI knocking on my door or anything. That would
suck. But maybe I could hope for a quick, creamy death – Lou
(Lou swears he said “greamy,” not “creamy”. Of
course, “greamy” is not a real word.)
These are guys are rough. They will kill you in your back. – Rob
I love to love
killing [imaginary] people - Sean
*******
Nor love thy life nor hate; but what thou
livst / Live well, how long or short permits to Heaven
- Archangel Michael to Adam after the Fall of Man, Paradise Lost
Translation: Do not love or hate your life in extremes. Do not be too attached
to your life on earth; do not wish for your life to end. Instead, live as best
as you can, for God determines when your time is up.
Therefore, my son, if you wish to please me,
and to bring success and honour to yourself, do right and study, because others
will help you if you help yourself." - Niccolo Machiavelli, in a letter to
his son Guido Machiavelli later wrote The Prince, a
guidebook to being a successful ruler through tyranny.
And lest things which should be remembered perish with time and vanish from the
memory of those who are to come after us, I, seeing so many evils and the whole
world, as it were, placed within the grasp of the Evil One, being myself as if
among the dead, I, waiting for death, have put into writing all the things that
I have witnessed. And, lest the writing should perish with the writer and the
work fail with the laborer, I leave parchment to continue this work, if
perchance any man survive and any of the race of Adam escape this pestilence
and carry on the work which I have begun... - Brother John Clyn 1349
- foreword, Connie Willis’s Doomsday
Book
Contrary to popular belief, science fiction
writers very seldom attempt to predict the future; indeed, as Ray Bradbury put
it so well, they more often try to prevent it. – Arthur C. Clarke’s 2001: A Space Odyssey
Man ever errs the while he strives. - God,
Gothe's Faust
In the next segment, we meet a guy who would
rather get hammered than nailed…I can't believe I just said that.
- Roger Lodge, host of Blind Date
”…More importantly, it comes out of the fact that, during this century,
intellectualism failed, and everyone knows it. In places like Russia and
Germany, the common people agreed to loosen their grip on traditional folkways,
morals, and religion, and let the intellectuals run with the ball, and they
screwed everything up and turned the century into a [slaughterhouse]. Those wordy intellectuals used to be
merely tedious; now they seem kind of dangerous as well.” – Neal Stephenson’s In The Beginning There Was The Command Line
After reading [General Omar Bradley’s A Solider’s Story], I can see why two seemingly different people, Patton and Bradley,
got along so well with each other in Europe. These two guys knew that attacking
and encircling were the quickest ways to inflict casualties on the enemy and
win the war. They did it spectacularly.
- Anonymous critic
Mwhahahahaha!! I am triumphant!!! – Giovanni, from an excerpt in a recent
email
Sean: We aren't being all that exciting as
of recently are we??? Nothing new
on the quotes page.
Rob: Yeah, just some randomness from Gio and Lou's creamy death
Sean: Well the creamy death HAD to be there ; it was a must see
Rob: I like how Lou said he said “greamy” not creamy
Sean: He definetly said CREAMY
I am convinced more than ever that this type
of work is very difficult, and that every effort to do it with other than the
best people is doomed to either failure or moderate success at enormous
expense. – Edsger W. Dijkstra’s The
Structure of the “THE” –Multiprogramming System, 1968
The questions are simple.. it’s the answers
that are tough – Professor Cohen
** Judge this next comment for yourself. I
present it in its original form and without the name of the owner. **
URI CS student: “Yeah, some webpages automatically
translate into other languages for you. Like, if you type www.yahoo.fr instead of www.yahoo.com, it will translate itself into
French. Pretty cool, huh? I think it works with most of the major webpages.”
Wow, a conversation that wasn’t based off
sex or foolishness. It was a nice change of pace. – Brian to Rob, after a
discussion of modern philosophy
I’ve got Dungeon Master’s Guide. / I’ve got
twelve sided die. / I’ve got Kittie Pride / And Nightcrawler too, waiting there
for me, yes I do. – Weezer, In the
Garage
Choose no life. Ö
Choose caffeine. Ö
Choose no girlfriend.
Choose to work long hours and the weekends.
Choose to use C. Ö
Choose to use JAVA after talking to the boss.
Choose to comment code. Ö
Choose to have to comment other people's code. Ö
Choose Computer Science. Ö
Choose D&D geeky friends. ÖÖ
Choose an early grave.
Choose something else.
- ‘Choose to be a Programmer’as seen on Slashdot.org
Giovanni: Ok, if you have a hard on for the
freaking apron you get one.
Favorite programming language? It is like
asking you to pick your favorite painful dental procedure. The answer should be
the one that will do what is needed with the best cost and least pain.