Dating 102 - Practical Application of Theory
by Christopher Ferdinandi
ChrisFerdinandi@hotmail.com

Welcome to Dating 102 – Practical Application of Theory. Over the last week, you should have put the three-step CHRIS Formula into action. You should be standing taller and smiling more, telling jokes whenever possible, and wearing clothes that fit you, and look and smell clean.

Now that you’ve got the basics down, we can begin applying these principles to everyday, real-life situations. In Dating 102, we look at the three first steps to any relationship: The Approach, the First Phone Call, and the First Date. This is where you get to put what you’ve been practicing for the last week into use. And this time, there’s only one easy principle to learn: Keep it simple!

But remember, this isn’t about changing who you are. It’s about packaging and presenting yourself in a way that makes women more likely to want to get to know who you are in the first place. Just ask anyone in business – presentation and first impressions are everything!

The Approach

Pop quiz: You’re out with the guys and you see the girl of your dreams. Do you… a) Buy her a drink; b) Go up to her and ask, “Are your legs tired? ‘Cause you’ve been running through my mind all day!’”; c) Walk up to her and say, “Hi, what’s your name?”; or d) Try to catch her eye with your awesome dance moves?

Correct answer: C. If you buy her a drink, you’re basically just trying to buy her attention. You’re the only person who actually thinks your dance moves are awesome, and if I have to explain to you why you shouldn’t use a cheesy pickup line, than you’re beyond my help!

Walking up a woman you’ve never met before, looking her straight in the eye, and saying hi with a personable smile on your face takes a lot of confidence. And it’s the only answer of the four above that doesn’t reek of desperation. You should use this approach anytime you try to talk to a girl. In fact, it works even better when you’re not at a bar or club.

Though bars are a haven for attractive women who are about the same age as you, they’re a terrible place to meet women. Why? Because women are used to being approached by creepy, desperate and otherwise hopeless guys constantly in that type of situation. As a result, they’re much more guarded in a bar or club than they would be in other situations. So what are some better places to meet women? Classes, parties, bookstores, coffee shops, the supermarket – Anywhere you find people!

When you see a girl you might be interested in, walk up to her, smile, say hello, and ask her what her name is. She’s already made a subconscious decision about whether or not she’d like to keep talking to you – if she’s interested, she’ll make it easy for you. She’ll smile and look you in the eye, she’ll laugh at your jokes, and most importantly, she’ll keep talking to you! What do you talk about? Anything! Like I said, if a girl is interested, she’ll make it easy, not difficult, for you to talk to her.

Don’t talk for too long, though. Depending on where you are, anywhere from 5-20 minutes is more than enough. You should be smiling and funny the whole time (don’t try too hard though!). And when the conversations over, ask her for her phone number, tell her to have a great day, and leave. Don’t try to force conversation and don’t keep talking to her after you get her number. And if you she won’t give you her number, tell it was nice talking to her and walk off smiling. Having a negative attitude won’t get you anywhere.

Of course, this is easier said than done – Walking up to a total stranger and saying hello isn’t easy! For practice, say hi to every single person you come across – old people, kids, parents, other college students. Make conversation with anyone you can, whenever you can. The more comfortable you get with talking to strangers, the more confident you’ll be when you approach a woman you’re actually interested in.

The First Phone Call

It’s pretty much an unspoken rule, but I feel I should mention it anyways: Don’t call a woman the day you get her number! There’s few ways to better display desperation and neediness (the opposite of confidence). Ever seen the movie Swingers? Don’t be Mikey!

If a girl is really interested in you, you can call her anywhere from the next day to a week later and be ok. Realistically though, somewhere between two and five days is your best bet, erring closer to two or three days. Call too soon and you’re desperate. Wait too long and she’ll feel like all your other dates bailed and she’s your last resort.

The key to a great first phone call is simple: Keep it short and sweet. When you call her, make sure you’re upbeat and enthusiastic (but not obnoxiously so). Make sure you let her know who you are – “Hi Jen. This is Chris from Black Point last Friday.” Ask her how her day/week/weekend was. The conversation will just kind of happen naturally, and when you hit a natural pause, that’s when you ask her out.

Your first few dates shouldn’t be on weekend nights. Keep them to during the week or during the day on weekends. Make sure you already have a date and time in mind – “So Jen, are you doing anything Thursday night? We should get together.” If she’s free, you’re golden. Get directions to her house, tell her it was great talking to her, and that you’ll see her then. The phone call shouldn’t last more than four or five minutes (again with the desperation thing), so once you’ve made the date, get off the phone. And don’t ever use the phrase “hang out.”

If she tells you she’s busy on the date/time you suggested and doesn’t offer another day that would work better, you’re dead in the water. Tell her it was nice talking to her and wish her a great week. If she suggests an alternate date though, work with it. You’re still in the game!

What do you do if she doesn’t pick up? Leave a message of course! (Are you noticing a trend here? Keep it simple!). Here’s the message you should leave: “Hi Jen, this is Chris from Black Point last Friday. Hope you had a great week (weekend, day, whatever applies). Give me a call at [your phone number]. If I don’t hear from you, I’ll try back soon. Bye!” Wait a couple of days, and if you don’t hear back, give her one more call. If you still don’t hear back from her after that, fuggetaboutit!

The First Date

So you’re here – the first date. The moment you’ve been waiting for, when you get to pick her up, take her out, and sweep her off her feet. You’re going to sweep her off her feet, right?

RELAX! And keep it simple, of course. You’re not trying to sweep her off her feet. You’re trying to get to know her better, and if you handle it right, and if she likes you, she’ll get swept off her feet without you even trying!

Show up at her house on time (or maybe even a couple of minutes early). Don’t bring a gift – no flowers, no candy, no cute little stuffed animals. Remember, you’re trying to get to know each other, and she’s going to like you for you, not because you bought her affection. Don’t try too hard to look good – a nice shirt, some jeans or khakis, flips-flops, sneakers, shoes, whatever. Dress like a slightly cleaned-up version of your normal self.

So what should do on your date? When you go out with a woman, you want to utilize the CHRIS Formula at all times. Specifically, you want to be funny and have fun, and the easiest way to do that is to do something with fun built-in.

Take her rollerblading or ice-skating, go bowling, play pool or mini-golf. Haunted houses are great this time of year. Or maybe she’s adventurous and would be up for going to an indoor rock climbing gym. And Newport has an old-school arcade with lots of ready-made fun! Worse comes to worse, pick up a RI tourism guide and look for fun stuff in the area.

The bottom line though, is, as always, to keep it simple! Make sure you’re confident, funny, and ridiculously, incredibly sexy. Keep her laughing and smiling, and make sure you laugh and smile yourself. Make lots of eye contact, and RELAX – you’re there to have fun, not go on a “relationship interview.”

If you’re feeling particularly bold, you can go for a kiss at the end of the date. If not, save it for the second (but if she doesn’t kiss you back, game over). Wait two or three days before you call to set up the next date, and never see her more than twice a week, or talk on the phone between dates.

If you want to learn more, be sure to enroll in Dating 300, an independent study on advanced dating theory where you work one-on-one with your truly. Have fun, guys!





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