A note to readers: The following article discusses suicide.

KINGSTON, R.I – Oct. 20, 2023 – Johanna (Ware) Buoncontri, Marissa Warren, Amy (Liakos) Darling and Jill (Weiss) Collado, aren’t bragging when they say they grew up fast and became brave beyond their years during the spring semester of 1996.

That’s because these members of the University of Rhode Island’s class of 1996 lived down-the-line where their housemate died by suicide on Jan. 12, 1996.

They returned to the Kingston Campus on Sunday, Oct. 15, to take part in URI’s 15th Be 5K Walk/Run for Mental Health Awareness and Suicide Prevention to celebrate and remember the life of their best friend, Heather Vennewald.

They meant business as they prepared for the Be 5K, not by training hard, but by raising $4,000 for the event. All monies raised for the Be 5K benefit the Heather Fund, which was established in 1996 by Heather’s late parents, Josephine and Roger Vennewald, and which supports mental health programming for students.

Sarah Miller, a founder of the Be 5K, said she was honored to have met and been able to get to know the Vennewalds and Heather through them.

“When I learned of the Heather Fund, and met Jo and Roger, it only seemed right to connect the Be 5K and the Heather Fund,” Miller said. “Her legacy truly will continue by supporting events like the Be 5K and creating a compassionate space for friends and family to gather.”

Miller, the assistant director of experiential education at URI, said the participation of Vennewald’s friends, “brings all of this full circle, because Johanna, Marissa, Amy and Jill are keeping the memories of Heather alive. They remind us that those who die by suicide never leave us.”

“Having Heather’s housemates at the race was wonderful,” said Cory Clark, director of the URI Counseling Center. “They committed to making it an annual event, which is truly a gift. The race provides meaning and connection for many who have lost someone to suicide. I am thankful for all the volunteers and organizations that make it such a great event as well.”

“A few years ago Marissa and I attended the Be 5K, and met up with Heather’s family—Mr. and Mrs. Vennewald and Heather’s brother Roger and sister Kerryn. It was a great reunion,” Buoncontri said. “It was amazing, but at the same time felt incomplete because we weren’t all there.

“Heather was amazing, and we miss her everyday. Having the four of us together for the Be 5K on campus this year is everything!” she said before the start. “As parents (with kids almost the same age as us when we lost her) we feel more compelled than ever to support the event.” 

Buoncontri continued, saying “By sharing our story and continuing to build Heather’s legacy at URI, we hope to spread awareness of mental health and suicide by sharing our story and continuing to build Heather’s legacy at URI.”

Before the Be 5K’s start, the four friends were at a table called “Sunflowers for Heather,” which allowed participants to write memorial, encouraging and empowering messages. Sunflowers and the color yellow were among Heather’s favorite things. The women smiled, laughed and shared stories about their university days and the fun times they had with Heather. But they also talked about how they had to support each other, as they stayed in the house until graduation.

“Heather had left several notes around the house telling us how much she loved us, but one of them worried me,” said Collado, who was the one who first arrived at the house on Jan. 12 with another good friend who lived in the neighborhood. “It said, ‘Don’t go in the garage.’”

So she called 911.

“But after the funeral, we came back and entered the house hand in hand. No other experience bonds you like something like this,” Collado said.

When asked why they stayed in the house, they said there were no other options, and at the time, there was no support or outreach for students who had been through such trauma. Even their landlord told them not to talk about it for fear of scaring off future tenants.

“We loved each other so much, and we loved URI.” Buoncontri said.

“We realized we needed each other, and we were determined to help each other through this. The four of us were in different sororities, and Heather was an honorary sister to our sororities. 

“We still tell stories about Heather. We have such a bond, because of Heather and with Heather. We didn’t move forward without her, we moved forward with her,” she added.

“We just had to be around each other,” Warren said.

They remembered Heather as the life of the party. 

“Heather had a great sense of humor, and we try to carry it on,” Buoncontri said. “She was funny, sarcastic, and she was a prankster.”

The women saw no signs of Vennewald’s suffering. “Someone may be shining on the outside, but suffering on the inside,” Collado said. “We didn’t know anything was wrong.”

And what did they do after settling back in at their Narragansett home? They invited their closest friends back to the house for a celebration of Vennewald’s life.

“You know in the Jewish tradition, you Sit Shiva to mourn the loss of and share memories of the loved one who has passed,” Collado said. “We Sat Shiva and shared food and drinks with our friends because we didn’t want our friends to stop visiting. We didn’t want a stigma attached to our home.”

But they still suffered from the pointing and whispers from URI students and others in the community.

Despite the many difficult days during their last semester, they have nothing but warm feelings for their alma mater.

“URI is a special place, and there is something magical about it,” Warren said. “People here are so warm and welcoming. There are so many positive things happening.”

They were thrilled that URI President Marc Parlange, who ran in the event, stopped at their table to chat about the significance of their involvement in such a program. Parlange also offered welcoming remarks and spoke about the importance of mental health during a short speaking program, which included a moment of silence to remember those lost to suicide.

After the walk Vennewald’s friends offered some advice for those in crisis or those helping their friends,

“Hang on, there is help and it WILL get better,” Buoncontri said. “Do not keep it all in or to yourself. Let down your wall and share how you are feeling with someone – a friend, someone you trust, the Counseling Center or something similar – that can help you get help. The pain is temporary, you belong here, and you are loved.”

Collado agreed with Buoncontri, adding: “The pain that feels enormous one day is temporary. Reaching out to someone, anyone, is critical. Everyone has been in a place that feels hopeless. Taking the first step toward reaching out may feel terrifying and impossible, but I guarantee that someday you will look back and be grateful that you did reach out.”

The 988 Lifeline is a national network of local crisis centers that provides free and confidential emotional support to people in suicidal crisis or emotional distress 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Call 988, or go to 988lifeline.org. The URI Counseling Center offers free, confidential mental health and well-being support to URI students. More information is available at uri.edu/counseling/ or by calling 401-874-2288. The University also provides 24-hour support via Telus Health. For URI faculty and staff, free, confidential assistance is available through the Employee Assistance Program. URI’s Couple and Family Therapy Clinic and the Psychological Consultation Center, also provide mental health services.